
Continuation …
Last Saturday, I was finally reunited with some of my college berks. Mareng Chepie celebrated her 35th birthday at the Astoria and invited a lot of people. We weren’t able to stay long, however, because of the kids left at home.
It reminds me again that it has been a long time since I went out or did something for myself. For quite sometime now I’ve had a home-office-home routine (the grocery trips don’t count), that I’m afraid the adage, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” has been etched on my forehead. The only “play” I could afford to have is during work hours with my officemates when they laugh at my jokes.
Has the good girl turned into a dull Jane?
I’m not saying that I hate my routine. When I have to rush home to cook dinner and be with my kids, it’s a choice I make. It’s not as if I was forced to do it. And besides, nobody else would do it but me. Given a choice between attending a party with friends and staying home because I have no maid and I can’t leave my kids alone, I’d rather do the latter with no regrets or hurt feelings. It’s not as if I have no choice at all. Sure, I can go ahead and be the life of the party, but my thoughts will always be of my kids and my house. I won’t be hurt just because I couldn’t go. And definitely, I will not blame Alex if I couldn’t go and if I chose not to go. It’s my choice and it’s not as if ikamamatay ko yun or matutulog akong may sama ng loob. I'd be contented just staying in my room, with Cae tuned in to the Disney Channel while Caehl is gnawing at Ate's school things.
Sure, I miss going out with friends. I’ve missed not just one, but several parties and get-togethers, even the Friday badminton & kitakits with my college and high school friends. I even had no inkling about one of them migrating to Singapore. Wala akong kabali-balita. But then, so what? It’s not the end of the world.
Yun nga lang, in the process, the casualty might be the person that I am (or used to be). What have I become? What has become of me? A dull Jane who’s no fun to be with? Or someone who has become boring, uninteresting, unexciting? I have nothing to offer – it’s no use hanging around with someone who itches to go home, who constantly worries over her kids (or maids, for that matter), and who has no special skills or other interests except being a badminton spectator. I hope anyone would be interested to talk to me about cooking (something I never knew I could be good at) or comparing supermarket prices and goods (ask me anytime about the price difference between neighbors Shopwise and Save More) or analyzing contraceptives and diet pills (and even Havaianas). Sometimes I think the only persons I could talk to about mundane stuff is my daughter Cae or my sister Pinky and we’d still be laughing our heads off just the same.
When Alex tells me he will play badminton the following night, my mind would always automatically go, “Ako kaya, anong pwede kong gawin? Anong gusto kong gawin?” Something similar, something with the same intensity that would make me stay out late. Something I would really be involved in na hindi pwedeng hindi ko gagawin on a regular basis. Something that I will pursue with passion na kahit hindi kasama si Alex. Something na para lang sa sarili ko. And I'm quite sure that whatever is is (kahit bungee-jumping pa yan), my husband would be supportive of me. Yet at this point, I really cannot think of anything.
Is this pathetic? Is there something wrong with me?
THE GREATEST ADVICE
By Rick Warren
The Purpose Driven Life
Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals. Don't stagnate!
Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.
Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.
To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life. You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!
When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time. Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
Thanks, Ai, for forwarding this to me...