There is, in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire,

which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity;

but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.

I remember you saying that 30 is a defining age or something like it. That by the time a person reaches that age, more or less, he should have achieved something in his life, that there should already be a milestone or highlight in his existence. It’s short of saying that for you or for me or for us both, it is imperative that by the time we turn 30, we must have made or done something for ourselves to be worthy of our age.

Five years later…what have we become? What have we accomplished, if at all? What have we done? Or what have we failed to do?

The last six or seven years have been “colorful” enough that I guess you won’t be complaining of not having been there, and not having done that. You HAVE been there and you HAVE done that. You’ve been around the block, and found your way back.

I used to say that we lost those years, but I believe now that we could not have lost what wasn’t ours in the first place. Those years were yours and yours alone, and you led your life the way you wanted to – without me.

The person that you were and used to be, and the person I thought you were, is now dead and gone, and we can no longer go back to find him and rectify what was done - the way we can no longer regain whatever we had back then.

KC Concepcion said in her now famous Multiply site that life is too short to be angry all the time.  But I don’t think it will take a person just a minute, or a year, or even five years to be able to forgive. I’m sorry for using her as an example but I don’t think KC has learned forgiveness overnight.

I would be a liar if I say that I’m already beyond anger. Sure, I’m still angry…and sure, I’m still hurting. I may appear otherwise but just because my eyes don’t have tears, it doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry.

Everything is still vivid up to this time and sometimes I fear that it is beyond forgetting – but definitely not beyond forgiving. It may not be now, as in now, but I will get there – one small step at a time. I know that it is only through forgiveness from the heart can I re-establish once again my sense of security, be able to love and live again without fear, and ultimately, heal.

And only through it can we be able to look peacefully at the past, experience and appreciate fully what we have in the present, and face the future wiser and stronger.

I may not be the best person around, and I may not be the same person I once was (or you thought I was). I am still madamot, oftentimes masungit and a nagging b*tch. Like you, I took on new interests, learned new skills, tried new things, delved into new adventures, and explored new worlds. And maybe lived my life a little recklessly for a while. But I found my way back, too - back to the real definition and source of happiness - my family. And back to the one person I truly love...