I have not been blogging for quite sometime now but I just couldn’t resist writing down what I dreamed of last night (this is my first Multiply blog, btw, posted here at the same time).

It must be my fascination with MTVs, indie films, reality shows and the like because my dream was like a short fiction turned into a movie (or something like that) because although I was the one dreaming and I was the “leading lady”, I knew that I was “acting” for somebody else, parang pelikula or MTV talaga.

Chapter 1. In the beginning (I was in an office set-up), there were around five or six of us around a conference table, the others were seated and I was tidying up the area, collecting file folders. I was standing behind a guy who, from gut feel, was someone special. Uyyyy. I think I was just one of the company trainees (parang bank yung company) and the guy, presumably, was my crush.

Fast forward. Setting: still in the office, but it was more like an employee lounge and it was like, after lunchtime, the lights were out and we were resting. Parang boyfriend ko na yung guy kasi we were on the sofa and we were kinda sweet. I know that you must have dreamed something like this before, yung tipong feel na feel mo yung “love” towards the guy you’re with in the dream? But still I knew I wasn’t Pam in the dream. I was somebody else.

Fast forward. The boyfriend was telling me some office-related problems and I was trying to comfort him. But I was feeling something else, he was holding back. He was with me but he was distant. All I could do was to touch his face and then I turned the other way, trying to control my tears. But I just cried and cried. I was hoping he would ask me why and I would tell him, “It’s because you don’t love me” or “You haven’t told me you love me and yet, we are a couple and I love you so much.” But he didn't say anything. Sobrang pang-Maalaala Mo Kaya, di ba? I remember asking myself in the dream, “Why do you love him so much?” 

Fast forward. No more images of the guy. In the dream, I was watching myself in a video or a movie (it was more like a movie epilogue). It showed me as an older woman in corporate attire, telling the viewers what has happened in my life. And I was saying, “Wala na kong balita tungkol kay _________ (name of the guy which by the way I failed to catch, what a laugh!). Meanwhile, head na ako ng Training department (I think this is where I started as a trainee and where I met the guy) and yes, I had many boyfriends here, lahat sila naging boyfriend ko (pointing to men being shown on the movie).”

The clincher. As I was watching the movie, I spoke aloud the guy’s name and suddenly, someone behind me asked, “Ako ba?” And yes, just like a fairy tale, there he was. My knight in shining armour, not realizing that all the time, I was still in love with him.

Ending. Siyempre naging kami pa din. Happy ending pa din po, di po ba? (Although somewhere, somehow, I had a nagging thought in the dream, “Andyan ka lang pala, sayang naman yung panahon na dapat tayo pa din.”

Chuva-choo choo, as Jolens would put it.

The End.

Last October (Friday the) 13th, CAEHL ANDRE EUAN turned one year old.

I was supposed to go on leave (complete with signed Leave Form submitted to HR) but my boss scheduled two meetings (one in the morning and another in the afternoon). It was "alanganin" and I thought I could still squeeze in my license renewal somewhere in between but oh well, I just decided to report to work so I won't be harrassed. Alex texted me in the afternoon and asked me to wait for him because he wanted to drop by the supermarket. Ok, I said. It was almost half past 7, where was he? I already toured the entire Festival Mall and my legs were already giving up. Turned out he was stuck in traffic. Poor Caehl, I said. I could have spent the rest of the afternoon with him had I gone ahead. I ran to Shopwise to pick up a small cake and a half-gallon of ice-cream. Earlier I requested my sister Pinky to whip up sotanghon guisado. When I came home, there was my niece Meg and a little while, my folks arrived. My sister Lea (who was also a traffic victim) also dropped by.

The next day, we were getting ready for his 9am birthday party at Jollibee Pacita. As always, Alex took his time in the bathroom and Cae and I were like, "Daaad, we're gonna be late!". Jollibee was our choice because of the Sponge Bob party package. Initially, we were eyeing McDonald's but for the love of Patrick Star, we settled for the former, inviting (and trying hard to trim it down to) around 50 guests.

We were the first one to arrive. The venue was spacious enough and I liked the set-up.  The cake (a gift from my sister Lea who also led the Invocation), an 8"x12" Sponge Bob mocha, was still for pick-up at 10am because we just ordered it from a Goldilocks outlet. One by one, the guests started arriving. As usual, my family was in full force. Alex's relatives also made it. Plus a few officemates and friends. Around twenty kids were present, not bad at all.

Somewhere during the parlor games, Caehl fell asleep. He wasn't able to see Jollibee (the Mascot) as he slept until the party ended. It was ok, I guess, because if not, he would end up bawling every now and then which would spoil everyone's mood. He woke up just when we were leaving. In the afternoon, we went to the mall to continue the fun and had our family photo taken at the studio.

Here's the link to the complete photo album of the fun party.

Happy Birthday to our Big Boy!

Note: Just click on the underlined items to view the pics...

Could it be that I’m already 35??? What the heck, I’m 35 and I love it!

As you grow older, you begin to realize that birthdays are not meant for personal wishes and supplications, but it is a time for adoration and thanksgiving to the One who has made all things possible.

As always, I’m dedicating my 35^th birthday to God, to my Papa and Mama, to my siblings, and to my husband Alex and children Caitlin and Caehl.

Lest I be accused of plagiarism, I am acknowledging that I am using as a model for this thanksgiving post “The Blessing of Unanswered Prayers” from an unknown Confederate soldier.

All these years, I prayed that I would be strong to be able to achieve many things –recognition in school and later on, at work… success in marriage and parenthood… facility to acquire material possessions. Instead, God made me weak which taught me obedience, discipline, and humility.

I asked for health, beauty, and physical strength to be a Jill of all trades, to be able to do greater things, but all these were given to me to be used to do better things.

I wanted to be rich, thinking that it will make me happy. Instead I was accorded a simple life, and looking back now, it has made me a wise person, and a rich one in terms of lessons and experiences.

I wished for power to earn praises and accolades from men. But I was given my own set of weaknesses to sense my need of Him, and that after every applause, there is the realization that the glory is His, and not mine.

“I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I had asked for,
but everything that I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered;
I am, among all men, most richly blessed."

Be it done according to Your will.

Truly, You make all things beautiful...in Your time.

Thank you, Lord.

Bless my parents.

Bless my siblings.

Bless my husband.

Bless my kids.

Bless my home.

Bless my loved ones.

Bless my friends.

As You do, I am blessed as well.

There is, in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire,

which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity;

but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.

I remember you saying that 30 is a defining age or something like it. That by the time a person reaches that age, more or less, he should have achieved something in his life, that there should already be a milestone or highlight in his existence. It’s short of saying that for you or for me or for us both, it is imperative that by the time we turn 30, we must have made or done something for ourselves to be worthy of our age.

Five years later…what have we become? What have we accomplished, if at all? What have we done? Or what have we failed to do?

The last six or seven years have been “colorful” enough that I guess you won’t be complaining of not having been there, and not having done that. You HAVE been there and you HAVE done that. You’ve been around the block, and found your way back.

I used to say that we lost those years, but I believe now that we could not have lost what wasn’t ours in the first place. Those years were yours and yours alone, and you led your life the way you wanted to – without me.

The person that you were and used to be, and the person I thought you were, is now dead and gone, and we can no longer go back to find him and rectify what was done - the way we can no longer regain whatever we had back then.

KC Concepcion said in her now famous Multiply site that life is too short to be angry all the time.  But I don’t think it will take a person just a minute, or a year, or even five years to be able to forgive. I’m sorry for using her as an example but I don’t think KC has learned forgiveness overnight.

I would be a liar if I say that I’m already beyond anger. Sure, I’m still angry…and sure, I’m still hurting. I may appear otherwise but just because my eyes don’t have tears, it doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry.

Everything is still vivid up to this time and sometimes I fear that it is beyond forgetting – but definitely not beyond forgiving. It may not be now, as in now, but I will get there – one small step at a time. I know that it is only through forgiveness from the heart can I re-establish once again my sense of security, be able to love and live again without fear, and ultimately, heal.

And only through it can we be able to look peacefully at the past, experience and appreciate fully what we have in the present, and face the future wiser and stronger.

I may not be the best person around, and I may not be the same person I once was (or you thought I was). I am still madamot, oftentimes masungit and a nagging b*tch. Like you, I took on new interests, learned new skills, tried new things, delved into new adventures, and explored new worlds. And maybe lived my life a little recklessly for a while. But I found my way back, too - back to the real definition and source of happiness - my family. And back to the one person I truly love... 

THE GREATEST ADVICE

By Rick Warren

The Purpose Driven Life

Don't date because you are desperate.

Don't marry because you are miserable.

Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.

Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.

Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.

Don't dictate because you are smarter.

Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.

Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.

Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals. Don't stagnate!

Don't regress.

Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.

Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.

Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.

Find a new friend.

Start a new career.

Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.

To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.

To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.

Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.

Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.

Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.

Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.

Be true to yourself.

Don't commit when you are not ready.

Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.

Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.

Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.

Love Deeply.

Walk barefoot.

Dance with wild abandon.

Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.

You light up your life. You drive yourself to your destination.

No one completes you - except YOU.

It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.

It only gets more challenging.

Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.

Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.

Don't lose faith in God.

Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back.  Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time.  Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

Thanks, Ai, for forwarding this to me...